Saturday 18 December 2010

It wasn't the snow that drifted today - it was me

Not one creative moment today.  Feeling grumpy, because school got closed today because of a snow shower - and it made me cross.  First of all what lesson does that teach the children? ' Oh a bit of snow., that means  I can have a day off.'  I thought of going to the woods at the back of the town to see how they looked, but my neighbour came and brought her son to play, so I let the children sit with their Nintendos and I went and sat on my bed and did some reading.

And now I reflect on how I let a day go by with no artwork or any kind of creativity done, not even a photo taken.  So I shall compose a little 'verse' so I can go to bed having created at least something out of the day.

Oh no! it snowed -
not much, just a touch.
But at the school gate,
(and early not late).
The caretaker's there.
We just stand and stare!
 Then turn away.
'No school today'

I started reading Denise Linn's book 'The Soul loves the Truth'.  The beginning storychapter entitled 'Once you're committed keep going' has caused me to realise that I haven't committed myself to this project yet.  I have this idea of wanting to live and express my life through creative expression, but it is still only that - an idea.   I don't exactly know how to turn the idea into action, how to go about doing it - or is that an excuse? Am I just scared?  Scared of the lousy artwork I'll produce if I actually do some? I have very little faith in my abilities, but the whole point of this is to discover what I CAN do, and to accept that as enough.
I need to work this one out.
I need to decide what I want, what I need to do and then I need to commit myself to taking that action -and to KEEP GOING.
What do I want from pursuing the creative path?  Initially I said I would just do it and see what unfolds.  OK So that means just DO it.  But WHAT do I do?
I'm pretty blank at the moment.
So here's an instruction to myself.
Tomorrow  - whatever happens - I will create SOMETHING out of the day.  I will have very little time as it is going to be a busy, occupied day with domestic duties and no real time alone, but I will make an effort to be attentive to things I see, and to the sounds and words that I hear and to the feelings and emotions that arise and note what captures my attention and interest, note what makes me wonder or be curious, and create something.
This is so simple but fundamental.  I have to instruct myself to do it because I normally go through life on automatic, just doing what I have to do and not much else.  This is what I want to change.  This is the reason I want to commit to creativity. 

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